


i said... pizza?

by Haruhi02



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Curses, Death, Gen, HQ Brofest Flash Tier, Hell, Memes, Pizza, and then ....:(, and then ????, and then ????!!!!, and then you'll go ...?, and this is about the point where you get used to the ????? feeling, and u find a new ????!!! feeling, and you might, but then i take it to a whole new level, first you'll go D:, go ahead and read this fic, just might go i see what u did there with a leny face, magic?, or maybe just the power of the words 'bcuz plot', so if u want to go through all that, this is what you'll feel reading this fic, yeah that's more accurate, you will in no way be sad about any deaths trust me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-25 12:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10764153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haruhi02/pseuds/Haruhi02
Summary: In which many of our beloved captains fall victim to the Accursed Pizza Slice. Its power is so terrifying it's been upgraded to a proper noun.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is entirely lethey's fault

“What are you doing, Kuroo?”

Sawamura saunters into the living room with his inquiry. Kuroo pauses with a pizza slice in hand.

“Oh, it’s just… I haven’t had pizza in a while,” Tetsurou replies with a small simper. It’s a bit extravagant to have candles lit for a pizza dinner but it’s the small gestures like this that makes it taste even better,   “and I was really looking forward to eating some so—“

Sawamura shoots him before he can even take a single bite.


	2. Chapter 2

Sawamura takes a shaky breath to calm himself. His hands shake from his first murder and his thoughts are all chaotically jumbled. He hadn’t meant to kill Kuroo, but he’d been left with no other choice.

He could never let him eat that pizza.

Sawamura can’t bring himself to look at the blood on Kuroo’s clothes. The gunshot won’t stop replaying in his head. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore. He needs to stop somehow.

Sawamura gives the fallen pizza slice a considering look. He picks it up.

It falls from his hand as Kuroo shoots him.


	3. Chapter 3

Sawamura and Kuroo both lay on the floor, painting it red with their blood.

The pizza slice sits between them, untouched. Neither Kuroo or Sawamura had been able to take a single bite of it. Some of the hot cheese melts and drips on the floor, just like how their blood slowly leaves their bodies. It’s symbolic in a way. Like fate’s way of apologizing for not being able to tie them in life by binding them in death.

Bokuto bounces into the room.

“Hey guys! I have the _funniest_ pizza joke—!”

Sawamura and Kuroo shoot him.


	4. Chapter 4

Bokuto holds his bullet wounded stomach close, his hands coming away smeared in red before he drops to the floor.

All three friends lay bleeding to death on the floor as the pizza slice continues to melt.

Ushijima walks into the room, first calm, then shocked at what he finds inside.

All three of his comrades are dead on the floor of their shared apartment. Ushijima doesn’t understand how this could happen to three men he considered strong; _friends_ he considered the _strongest_.

Ushjima eyes the pizza dazedly.

“Pizza—?”

All three of his dead friends shoot him.


	5. Chapter 5

Oikawa comes out of the bathroom and all four dead men shoot him without remorse.

Again and again, they fill his bodies with bullets, and it’s only when their guns are empty does his body finally fall to the ground.

Oikawa had never wanted to die like this. He’d wanted to become a national volleyball player. He’d wanted to prove to Ushijima that he could do it.

That he could do it with Iwa-chan.

 His glassy eyes glimpse the slice of pizza between Sawamura and Kuroo.

Now he’ll never get the chance to prove himself, or eat pizza. 


	6. Chapter 6

“Yup, they’re all dead.”

Matsukawa shift his weight. Hanamaki comes over to his side.

Neither of them understands what happened, but anything involving murder must have been horrible.

“You know, this reminds me a video I watched once,” Hanamaki starts, “it was like… this guy shoots his friend, and then his friend shoots him back, and then they both shoot their third friend, and then they all shoot their fourth friend, and, get this, they shoot their _fifth_ friend—“

“Get to the point, Hanamaki.”

“—and then two cops walk in and shoot each other—“

Matsukawa shoots him.


	7. Chapter 7

Hanamaki shoots him back immediately.

They shoot each other several times, until they both finally collapse.

All seven them lay on the floor, their blood united in a small red pool.

The pizza slice has yet to be tainted by any of it. Throughout all this tragedy, it stays pure and unblemished. Perhaps a metaphor for future generations to live by.

Leave the innocent be and get rid of all the sinners.

But all seven men had lead honest and good lives. What right did the pizza slice have to eliminate them with its purity?

Will we ever know?


	8. Chapter 8

“I’m still bitter about dying from a cursed pizza slice—“

“We all are, Hanamaki. Since, get this, we’re _all_ dead.”

“Your bickering will not aid our cause.”

“Ushijima’s right. We need to work together to figure this out.”

“Figure _what_ out, Sawamura? Last time I checked, we were all, uh, _dead_.”

“For once, I agree with Tetsu-chan. It only took dying for it to happen.”

“Bitter much?”

“Hey hey hey, guys! Guess what?”

“What is it, Bo?”

“They have spots opened for the haunting program! Enough for all of us!”

“Are all you guys thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yes.”


	9. Chapter 9

Haruhi stretches, her arms over her head before peering back at her computer screen.

“I can’t believe I got to part nine of this without even noticing,” she mumbles, “I thought this was going to be harder.”

She gives her phone a thoughtful look.

“Should I tell them or—“

Her stomach grumbles.

“—go eat?”

Haruhi stalks off to the kitchen, unaware of the fog rolling out of her computer screen.

She opens her fridge and gives a small chuckle.

“Ha. Looks like we only have pizza—“

Seven bullets pierce her body before she falls.


	10. Chapter 10

“How could you do this to me, you jerk?! I made you freaking MC in my other story!”

“How could you do this to _me_ , I thought you liked me!”

“It’s not my fault, you asshole! Senpai decided pizza! What else was I supposed to do?!”

“Uh, literally _anything else_ —“

“ _GAH!_ I still can’t believe you! What am I supposed to do in fucking _hell_ with only you jerks as company?!”

“Well, you should have _thought_ about that before you decided fucking _cursed_ _pizza_ —“

“You know what! I hope you _never_ find Kenma!”

“Now that’s just mean.”


End file.
